The Full Moon Party on Koh Phangan, Thailand is of epic and absurd portions and proportions. In full DAY GLOW PAINT attendance I danced in the rain and made SAVES left and right and up and down to the clueless, relentlessly happy party goers. For 2 FULL NIGHTS- the pre-party and the full moon party- I was simply forced by duty to party on the beach. (!!!)
I stationed myself beside the absurdly dangerous 20ft long gasoline drenched FLAMING jump rope that was flung in constant rotation by ripped shirtless Thai men on very high platforms--- while below, a vast majority of inebriated white guys attempted to jump rope for the first time since elementary school. A clinic was also located on the beach in order to promptly respond to the expected burn counts. It was LUDICROUS and incredibly fascinating to watch.
A bucket of red-bull vodka in one hand and my RolliTimeFlex in my other I made some incredibly lucky saves, the most potentially gruesome was when a big dude from England tripped on the rope, got it caught between his legs and instead of falling off to the side- fell FORWARD directly onto the burning flames. This is the part where he would end up with permanent scars on the side of his face, hands, and especially around his legs except for the fact that I could see this all coming of course and allowed him to fall just closely enough to singe off some leg hair before BLASTING this English guy in hot pink party shorts off to the side with a FORCE FIELD sent from the FUTURE. This is my favorite way of making saves I must say. When I’m feeling lazy I save myself the trip of actually flying faster than light into FORWARD TIME and instead calmly wait for an on-site current-time rescue. However, I was feeling especially HIGH-ENERGY with the MOONLIGHT from night 1 and the RAIN from night 2 that I was in a CONSTANT MOTION of RACING into TIME and pausing to compose quite THEATRICAL force field effects to compliment the atmosphere of the evening. These included wonderful ROTHKO-esque COLOR FIELD blasts in fuzzy rectangular shapes, powdery gold glitter blasts that seemed to have just thrown themselves up from a Santogold album cover, spearmint scented smoke blasts, and so forth.
Day GLOW paint washed itself on and off of the thousands of bodies pounding on the sand in response to this well oiled supply chain of beautiful island brings travelers, the travelers like moonlight and parties, they bring money, that spend it on cheap liquor drinks served in sandcastle buckets, neon branded attire, jars of paint, and street foods selling donuts, cold pad-thai and oily spring rolls to keep themselves fueled. All the while an omniscient choreographer has amassed huge speakers that fluctuate between various high energy pop songs fading in and out of each other for hundreds of feet down the beach.
In the morning a wide tractor type of apparatus comes to sweep up all of the TRAGIC LITTER that coats the formerly beautiful beach; it also kicks off the last group of hard core dancers who are still going strong at 9am when I returned to check pulses and take amusing photographs of those special individuals who lay plastered across the sand in motionless conviction that they were indeed in bed.
A successful night! A beautiful night! TWO beautiful nights! People are wonderful, funny, stupid, happy, creative, smart, repressed, delightful, exciteful, beautiful creatures.
Now. To MALAYSIA! (A taxi, a night ferry, a taxi, a terrible mini-bus, a better mini-bus- my current state- soon to be on another taxi, etc.) My 2 week visa for THAILAND expires in a matter of hours. Thank you Thailand for your beautiful land and people, but I would please like to return those extra pounds from 14 days of eating delicious sugar and spiced food.