The Full Moon Party on Koh Phangan, Thailand is of epic and absurd portions and proportions. In full DAY GLOW PAINT attendance I danced in the rain and made SAVES left and right and up and down to the clueless, relentlessly happy party goers. For 2 FULL NIGHTS- the pre-party and the full moon party- I was simply forced by duty to party on the beach. (!!!)
I stationed myself beside the absurdly dangerous 20ft long gasoline drenched FLAMING jump rope that was flung in constant rotation by ripped shirtless Thai men on very high platforms--- while below, a vast majority of inebriated white guys attempted to jump rope for the first time since elementary school. A clinic was also located on the beach in order to promptly respond to the expected burn counts. It was LUDICROUS and incredibly fascinating to watch.
A bucket of red-bull vodka in one hand and my RolliTimeFlex in my other I made some incredibly lucky saves, the most potentially gruesome was when a big dude from England tripped on the rope, got it caught between his legs and instead of falling off to the side- fell FORWARD directly onto the burning flames. This is the part where he would end up with permanent scars on the side of his face, hands, and especially around his legs except for the fact that I could see this all coming of course and allowed him to fall just closely enough to singe off some leg hair before BLASTING this English guy in hot pink party shorts off to the side with a FORCE FIELD sent from the FUTURE. This is my favorite way of making saves I must say. When I’m feeling lazy I save myself the trip of actually flying faster than light into FORWARD TIME and instead calmly wait for an on-site current-time rescue. However, I was feeling especially HIGH-ENERGY with the MOONLIGHT from night 1 and the RAIN from night 2 that I was in a CONSTANT MOTION of RACING into TIME and pausing to compose quite THEATRICAL force field effects to compliment the atmosphere of the evening. These included wonderful ROTHKO-esque COLOR FIELD blasts in fuzzy rectangular shapes, powdery gold glitter blasts that seemed to have just thrown themselves up from a Santogold album cover, spearmint scented smoke blasts, and so forth.
Day GLOW paint washed itself on and off of the thousands of bodies pounding on the sand in response to this well oiled supply chain of beautiful island brings travelers, the travelers like moonlight and parties, they bring money, that spend it on cheap liquor drinks served in sandcastle buckets, neon branded attire, jars of paint, and street foods selling donuts, cold pad-thai and oily spring rolls to keep themselves fueled. All the while an omniscient choreographer has amassed huge speakers that fluctuate between various high energy pop songs fading in and out of each other for hundreds of feet down the beach.
In the morning a wide tractor type of apparatus comes to sweep up all of the TRAGIC LITTER that coats the formerly beautiful beach; it also kicks off the last group of hard core dancers who are still going strong at 9am when I returned to check pulses and take amusing photographs of those special individuals who lay plastered across the sand in motionless conviction that they were indeed in bed.
A successful night! A beautiful night! TWO beautiful nights! People are wonderful, funny, stupid, happy, creative, smart, repressed, delightful, exciteful, beautiful creatures.
Now. To MALAYSIA! (A taxi, a night ferry, a taxi, a terrible mini-bus, a better mini-bus- my current state- soon to be on another taxi, etc.) My 2 week visa for THAILAND expires in a matter of hours. Thank you Thailand for your beautiful land and people, but I would please like to return those extra pounds from 14 days of eating delicious sugar and spiced food.
The Burmese school children were jumping rope. Of course I was jumping rope. It was a very ordinary day. The deep green mountains were wrapped up in thick and wispy meringue clouds; the rainy season was propping up its EZ Boy chair and making itself comfortable; and a velvet-clad village went about tilling the earth and making babies alongside Myanmar/Burma- a country whose bloody civil war forced them to FLEE years prior. As I jumped rope with glee alongside these sparkling kids with amazing New England summertime bob haircuts and lovely skin, I thought about the country next door- run by MILITARISTIC FORCE… and as I lost myself in a quandary of what I could do about this I TRIPPED on the ROPE. Geez. FAIL. I’m trying to figure out how to transform the government next door and I’m tripping on jump ropes. So I did what I could for the moment and used my POWERS to save the lives of two white tourists who almost got hit by a MINI-BUS trying to find a waterfall around one of Pai’s 762 mountainous curves. It would have been quite gruesome. White people all over the small Thai mountain town of Pai have bandages wrapped around nearly every part of their body…they rent out motorbikes to pure novices (like MYSELF! LOL) who promptly drive them upon incredibly STEEP and CURVACIOUS mountain roads. The hospital does a good business there- with a dip in numbers over the course of the 4 days I spent chilling and dancing and drinking and flying and saving and racing all over PAI.
Then I left of course.
…On my favorite mode of transportation ever… THE NIGHT BUS.
Confession: I ditched the mini-bus from Pai to Chian Mai in favor of flying since I nearly vomited up my penang rice curry on the WOOZY way into town.
Speaking of RICE, MR MASTERMIND MONSANTO arrived to Pai some years ago touting his brand new ways of farming (because apparently over the course of thousands of years no one had figured it out the RIGHT WAY yet) and practically giving away tons of grain, fertilizer and pesticides to all the farmers. AGHHH! TO TRY TO UNDO WHAT MR MASTERMIND MONSANTO HAS BEEN DOING EVERYWHERE WILL MEAN EPIC GRASSROOT STRIDES FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE!!
INSERT FAIR, LOCAL AND ORGANIC CAMPAIGN SLOGAN HERE.
A NEW BATTLE HAS BEGUN! (yikes it will be oh so tricky tricky!) BUT IT’S TIME TO TAKE Evil MONSTER MOSO ON! (= the nickname for this terrible man, this faltering foodie from the planet STRICE… a land with purely genetically engineered food of synthetic blends and god awful stats on HEALTH and DISEASE…)
and out of Bangkok rather
Oh my buddha!
3 days of racing motorbikes, parties with funny shakes and days and blurring days and nights of endless LAND TRAVEL (oh why do I bother when the clouds are lovely dark and deep?) Sleep is calling even ME!
Please excuse me while I freeze time so as not to miss a helpless kitten
Ex oh my beauties.
NOWHERE!!! I just came out from the middle of NOWHERE! Which is my favorite way of being SOMEWHERE!!When going on a 3 day trek through the jungles of Thailand one could also replace the word ‘trek’ with climb, scramble, mud-fest, sweat-fest, steam-fest, slip’n’slide, glory walk, obstacle course, elephant pilgrimage, mad walk, cliff-hanging tightrope walk, water-falling dolphin swim, etc. I also managed to remain on earth for the entire duration….except for those 3 times of course when the following happened:
I wish I could hear elephants speak. The massive, quiet, gentle beasts strike a chord in my heart as fondly as a sea turtle. I sat with them in a jungle field, rode them, bathed with them and listened to them gurgle and chomp away silently on small bananas. Oh! The magnificent creature! Also magnificent was our guide Ong, a zen man with bamboo tats with protective forces, a head that peers around like a mirror-CAT and a machete that he wields with superhero accuracy. His sign is the rabbit but he has a tattoo on his wrist for TIGER energy to balance out the soft spirit. He was never in a rush… ‘time is time’ he says… ah, he can read the moons and minds better than I! When people aren’t happy he takes it personally…a beautiful spirit! To him I bode well. After days of scaling muddy embankments, hacking through tall stalks of grass and palms, eating rice and curry, flying above elephants, falling in love only with the magic of the jungle view, getting pummeled through waterfall slides and riding bamboo rafts down a river, I came out of the creature that is the jungle…so very much alive, and even more alive myself. But 24! Even for a super hero that’s some mid-twenties we’re talkin….not early 20’s…MID-TWENTIES…so here’s to a year of good fortune (Ong read my palm and said if I helped the poor I would win the ‘big lotto’), achieving goals, showing up adventure girl, FIGHTING EVIL and bountiful love!
- A King Cobra nearly attacked the older French woman who misdiagnosed the ‘trek’ and chose to wear white pants. I flew up into the stalks of wet bamboo, grabbed the back-end of the snake and lassoed it off the side of the mountain into an abandoned rice patty. She never knew. And could thus keep her distress focused on her formerly white pants.
- When it was nearly midnight before my 24th birthday I flew forward in time to meditate amongst the clouds above a jungle of slumbering elephants. I remained there until time could meet up with me once again and the waxing moon could strike the hour of my birth twice. Extra LUCK for a new year!
- ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Dude nearly cracked his head open at the foot of the waterfall. I saved him even though he was rude, brassy and basically the opposite of my soul mate.
I saw the monkey and he told me he wanted to be my friend.
It was the happiest day of my life.
Such a nice monkey.
We chatted for awhile (please note that I am thrilled to be developing this animal speak talent...it's a very strange mixing, however, I think they must have come from my planet in a past life). And he gave me a tip-off about illegal loggers creeping in towards the beautiful Cardamom Mountains. So I flew to Koh KONG! A hardy border town with gunslinging Thai, abrasive Australians and sly Cambodians. Into the mountains I went and found the JOHN FEAR Dino Tractor-type Beast about to rip my new friend's village to pieces. With unprecedented stealth and sneakiness I swiped all their FUEL and left them immobilize. The fuel was left on the doorstep of some ECO WARRIORS with a note and a little map to help their fight.
This freed me up to take a lovely nap in the clouds above the beautiful mangrove forests on the other side of the range.
A lovely last sleep in Cambodia.
In the morning I wandered aimlessly into THAILAND!
AND BOY, there were TREATS! Cakes and sweets and sticky sugary things everywhere- at every stall- clutched in every hand- the sugar is even wedged beneath the nails of the suave soldiers holding big AK's with even bigger smiles. Even the official stamping my passport was delivered a mountain of steaming yumminess at the time of my passing; the Thai love food! I have found my people!
This part of my journey is already delicious. Onwards!
These human ailments, I should have listened to my mother when she said always wash your hands before you eat. This practical notion becomes tricky when an entire country forgets to install sinks…opting instead for deep dark tubs of water full of grubby pails meant for both washing yourself… AND your hands? No thanks.
So, I have pink eye in both of my eyes and I’m at THE BEACH! I did a few quick saves this morning, having relocated my RolliTimeFlex in time to upright a boat on its way to collapsing in a storm, the falling of a laborious tray of lobster from the lost elbow of an incredibly drunk English dude at noon, and I also saved a puppy from a coal truck driving down the road (I always LOVE the opportunity to save puppies!).
Sihanoukville is lovely, and so despite my permanent sunnies and gallons of eye drops that are failing quite miserably, I am so HAPPY to hear the ocean waves and lie on my back for hours, floating so wondrously on a liquid surface, listening to the thoughts of sea turtles far away.
In Vietnam, they often refer to themselves in the 3rd person…so I asked myself a few days ago, what does Lady Lightwave NEED right now? The answer was clear. I was just getting over a flash flood of MALARIA… not even superheroes are protected against even the most basic human ailments of common cold. At least not from the very human-like planet I fell from. In fact, wherever I was born in that bursting expanse of the UNIVERSE (I like to think I was born with the IMPLOSION of a baby star from the gravity line of the watery planet Rarabrala because they have the most beautiful little stars- trillions of them that are warm to the touch and leave anyone born during the time of an implosion with an aura of sparkling moonset waters for that lifetime. I would like to have a sparkling moonset aura… and since I have never been to a SEER to know what color of aura I DO have I am not without hope that I could be from Rarabrala! However, the actual chances of that are about 1: 900000000000000000000.)
Like, I was saying, wherever I was born, the human-like species is not protected from such things as the common cold, malaria, or PINK EYE. The latter has actually been the worst. Had I not misplaced my RolliTimeFlex while I was out partying on Pub Street in Siem Reap, Cambodia I could have seen that I was indeed going to have a string of ailments hit me in the near future and washed my hands accordingly. FAIL.
So what does LLWave NEED with her malaria battled body and two TERRIBLE sticky pink eyes that make me look like I’m from The Planethatmustnotbenamed? The OCEAN!
THIS SKY WATER CHILD has been away from the seas for TOO LONG. And of course in my decision to leave this interior temple land, I trudge along doing things the slow human way because I simply do not know when I could run into my soulmate... And I highly doubt that I would cross pass with him mid-cloud…Unless of course he was painting the clouds…I hear there are brilliant artists from the planet Colourcalma that paint the clouds with absolutely brilliant scenes every day! But I am not on that planet. I am on EARTH! BEAUTIFUL CONTAGIOUS EARTH! Sooo instead I will ride the terribly slow buses with my sunnies on that shade the world with a golden glow, and hope that perhaps my curly-haired soft t-shirt artistic soulmate will also happen to be on that sleeper bus. FAIL. As usual. Epic fail this time because I got crammed into the very end seat in between 2 guys much too young for me and another rather weird guy that kept falling over on me as he dozed off…and so I went downstairs and slept on the floor with the baggage beside the hobbit toilet.
(I did wake up a couple times to go FLOAT amidst the clouds just in case someone from Colourcalma had miraculously arrived on Earth with day-glow paint.)
Eventually I arrived at an ungodly bright and early time at a guesthouse 2 blocks from the beaches of Sihanoukville. MMMMMMM! THE OCEAN! AT LAST!
I felt like I was in a Harry Potter novel. I could hear a strange voice say in the balmy river breeze sooooooo niiiiiiiiiice...i sooooo bored and hungryyyyy.....sooo soooo NICE she so smalllllll jussssssst perrrrfect for meeeeee.
THEN: WHAM BAM CHOMP! I flung my force field into action while the FANGS of this venomous snake were creating a straight projectile towards the NECK of this little GIRL in PINK.
The snake cavorted backwards in SHOCK---paralyzed and ASHAMED.
Meanwhile, I got back to enjoying the wide delta this river had opened into...absorbing the sights of homes, a church and a few restaurants built on water... Why for the life of a fisherman this living situation is IDEAL...they decided i know! lets have our houses float upon the water as our boats do...and soon enough they've built a FLOATING VILLAGE! I have to wonder though if the mothers and children are content here...often stranded within their homes for lack of $$$ and mobility to leave. It's incredibly poor and with that comes the constant need for people to make do for themselves.
NOTE: the waterscape was BEAUTIFUL!
One of the most wonderful random experiences I've STUMBLED upon. While I was completely distracted by a day glow butterfly I ended up teaching english for the first time EVER. and again and again. these kids were beautiful...but they need so much! if you want to help buy new books or help build another school please HOLLA BACK!
Someone gimme a baby bodhisattva please